How to Deal With Your Friends Getting Married

When Your Friends Get Married

Are you at the age where your friends and acquaintances are starting to get married, and every weekend in the summer is spent at weddings? As a mid-twenty-something, that has become the story of my life.

At some point, it’s going to be your best friends calling to let you know that they’re engaged. Trust me; it’s an exciting time to get that call! I can’t speak for the guys out there, but when your gal pal calls you, she’s likely sobbing, you can’t make out her words, but you’re so happy for her and her fiance. Fortunately, I got to experience this twice last summer when two of my best friends got engaged.

But as you noticed, the title of this article is centered around dealing with your friends getting married. I can’t lie, I was so happy to find out my friends were engaged, but I was also incredibly envious because I wanted (still do, in fact) to be engaged so desperately. There were times during their engagements were I found myself thinking about how it should’ve been me asking them to be my bridesmaid or showing off my ring to those around me (b-t-dubs, this is no bueno).

So how do you beat the monster of envy and focus your attention on your friends?

Ways to Cope With Your Friends Getting Married

For me, it was difficult at times for me to push my feelings aside, especially when I had been with my boyfriend longer, which is by no means the indicator that you should be engaged. However, if I had let these feelings boil over, it could have easily affected my friendships and my friend’s engagement experience. I am no expert, but this is what I did to keep my focus on my ladies.

Change The Way You’re Thinking

Yes, this may be easier said than done. But slightly altering your thought process can make a huge difference. For example, if your friend calls to tell you that she’s picked out her cake flavor, don’t think, well geez, everyone chooses that flavor. Instead, think about how excited your friend is and that you know she loves sweets, so her choice of cake will be excellent.

It truly is all about perspective. If you choose to always to feel sorry for yourself, you’re going to be utterly miserable throughout your friend(s) engagements. And who wants to spend a year feeling like garbage?  

Be Clear With Your Feelings

This goes both for the single ladies and the ones who’ve been in it for the long haul. For the single ladies, it’s possible that you’re tired of always being the bridesmaid, never the bride. Or, maybe the soon-to-be bride thinks because you’re single, you’re at her beck and call. Whatever it may be, it’s important to express your feelings. If the bride is pushing you, tell her. Yes, it’s her time, but your life doesn’t come to a halt when she wants something. However, choose your tone carefully. Coming off as too harsh wouldn’t be too good now, would it?

For those in relationships, you may be sitting at your friend’s bridal shower with a fake smile plastered on your face while you feel like you’re dying inside. Obviously, that’s not the time to bring it up to your friend that you’re having a hard time. Ask your friend over for a glass of wine or a spa night, and share your feelings with her. I bet you she has no idea how you’re feeling. But once you’ve had this conversation, don’t keep bringing it up over and over again. Just like you have things to worry about, so does she.

I briefly expressed my feelings to one of my engaged girls, but I treated it very lightly and breezed past the subject. I wish I had been more expressive of my feelings because it did eat me up inside at times. To be honest, I didn’t want them to feel bad, and I really did not want to take away from their experience. I should have been more upfront, but I actively chose to put my friend’s happiness first, so I can’t blame anyone but myself (and really, it’s her wedding, so friends shouldn’t be trying to steal the thunder anyways).

Don’t Take it Out on Those Around You

My poor boyfriend got the brunt of my feelings once my friends got engaged. I would pick fights about getting engaged and that it needs to happen and soon. Well, my friends are now married, and we still aren’t engaged. But that’s okay. It will be our turn one day. Which brings me to my next point.

Your Friends Will be There on Your Wedding Day

When I had a moment that I was spending too much money, gone every weekend and not getting a moment just to chill, I always brought myself back to the fact these are my best friends. And when it’s my turn to get married, they will do all the things I did for them without a doubt in my mind. This was probably one of the best things to bring me back down to Earth.

You’re Entitled to Your Feelings

No matter if you’re jealous, guilty, angry, sad or whatever it may be, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. All that matters is that you take a step back, maybe take a few deep breaths and know that wedding season only lasts a few months, so it’ll all be over before you know it.

That’s what I’ve got for you this week. If you’ve got tips on how you dealt with jealousy or just want to leave a note, contact me. I want to hear your story!

Tory Kalousek